I'm Lost Without You
by mandapandaaaaaa
Summary: After five and a half year stranded on the island, Jack and Kate's relationship has come a long way. What happens when the survivors are finally rescued and Jack and Kate have to be separated?


**This story is dedicated to Neelam Khare. Why? Because you rock my socks off! Honestly, you are a great friend. I wouldn't be who I am today, if I had never gotten to know you so well. I know I have been a horrible influence (LOL!) but somehow, something good came of everything. You have kept me sane all this time, which I know must be a really hard job! Thanks for everything that you have done, my friend. I promise that our friendship will last forever, no matter what happens, things will always turn out good. I love you so much! Hugs and Kisses!**

**Author's Note: This story was a very random idea, one of the first ones I ever had for a Lost fanfiction. Yes, it did take me a while to write it, but in that time I have been able to develop some ideas to make this story all that much better. Many thanks to Ms. Mageau, the best English teacher EVER, for taking the time to read my work and edit it. Now, I am able to publish a revised version without the grammatical errors. I actually wrote this over the summer and published this story once before. But now this story is back and better than ever. **

**Author's Note #2: A continuation of this story might be possible. For now, I am not going to continue this story. But it's nothing a few reviews can't change.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, because if I did, who knows what would happen. I also wouldn't have a reason to write this fanfic. Also, the song I'm Lost Without You is copyright of Blink-182. I just feel like borrowing both.

And now, on with our feature presentation:

I'm Lost Without You

**I swear that I can go on forever again**

**Please let me know that my one bad day will end**

Kate sat stiffly on the hard wooden bench, her head leaning against the concrete wall of the small confined cell. She closed her eyes, the mildewy smell was getting to her, and the ridiculous flickering of the dim incandescent light bulb, hanging from the ceiling, stung her eyes.

Who would've guessed that after five and a half years, stranded on an island, that someone was going to find them? Especially when things were perfect, when life was finally working itself out.

She could still hear the hysterics of the other survivors, the cheers of joy when the ship was spotted, silhouetted against the horizon. Her worst nightmare.

Back to civilization, back to her past. All of her new life, down the drain.

**I will go down, as your lover, your friend**

**Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin**

Their last final kiss, in the midst of the jungle, under the shelter of the canopy of leaves. Their last final moment together, in each other's arms. Their final goodbye.

Jack Sheppard, her savior, the one who believed in her.

* * *

She hadn't wanted to let go, but she knew she had no choice.

A lone tear slid down Kate's cheek, the beginning of an endless rainfall.

She laid her frail body on the makeshift cot as she was weakened from her lack of appetite. She hadn't eaten since that last day on the island, four days ago, leaving her with barely enough energy to support herself.

Kate, head resting on the flat pillow she was provided, pulled the itchy fleece blanket over her shoulders, sniveling, shivering, and slowly drifting off to sleep.

* * *

**Are you afraid of being alone**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

"Ms. Austen?" the jail warden called, breaking the solitude with his expressionless voice, "You have a visitor."

Kate blearily opened her eyes while letting out an exasperated sigh. Another visitor, she wondered who it was this time. She was fed up with being questioned, by the numerous investigators who paid her visits, asking the same pointless questions over and over again.

Kate threw the blanket aside and used her last ounces of strength to force herself into an upright sitting position. Instantly, a wave of coldness and nausea coursed through her body, goose pumps popping up all over her skin, her stomach convulsing.

She let herself stare into space for a few seconds, her vision blacking out, miniscule stars flickering in front of her eyes. All she felt like doing was collapsing in a crumpled heap on the floor to fall asleep and never wake.

Yet the thought of dying frightened her. Especially dying this way, alone.

"Ms. Austen, I don't have all day," the warden informed, the aggravation in his voice appearing more obvious, his tone rising.

He was standing in the doorway of the metal-barred wall. His unsympathetic stare, literally burning holes in her skin, was focused impatiently on her.

Kate reluctantly snapped out of her daze and stood up, swaying oddly, and nearly toppling over. Her head felt as if someone was driving a jackhammer into her skull, the pain was so immense.

Taking awkward paces, Kate walked the few steps it took to reach the blindingly silver metal door. The warden clenched her wrists behind her back with his vicegrip, cuffing them.

Kate winced while the handcuffs dug into her skin leaving a deep indentation. Jerking her body, the warden brought her out of the dank, dark quarters into a longer hallway. She was temporarily blinded, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the brighter lighting. Kate, dragging her feet, looked at floor shamefully. She did not want to face whomever was waiting for her at the other end of the passageway.

The hall remained silent except for the skidding of Kate's shoes on the linoleum floor and the breathing of the warden as he guided her forward, leading her weak body to their destination. The distance seemed to be endless, and Kate didn't know if she would be able to manage another step without collapsing.

"Jesus, Kate. Could you go any fucking slower?" the warden muttered, "I said it once, and I'll say it again. I don't have all day to waste. There's a lot of things I'd rather be doing right now, rather than babysitting you."

Kate was frustrated. She didn't want to be here. She was so sick of everything, the interrogations and the abuse. She wished she was capable of defending herself. She wished she didn't need a warden escorting her.

The world was spinning, colors blending together, appearing as a swirled mess, to the point where nothing was identifiable anymore. Kate was violently swaying and her legs felt as if they were jelly, ready to give out at any given second. Her eyelids grew heavy, and she found it hard to keep her eyes open. All she could do was squint and even that was a challenge. The intense thumping in her head overtook her, everything turning into darkness.

* * *

**I'll leave my rook open till sunrise for you**

**I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you**

**Where are you now? I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming**

**And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this**

"Mommy?"

Kate could hear the tiny, gentle voice of a child. It sounded so familiar, yet she couldn't quite place it.

"Mommy?"

There was the voice again. Where had she heard it before?

"Mommy?" the voice grew more anxious, "Mommy, wake up!"

_Jadyn. _Her child. Her three year old daughter. But why was she here? Kate thought she was imagining things, that she was delusional. How could she not recognize the voice of her own child?

"Kate?"

Another voice. _Jack's voice._

Kate struggled to open her eyes, which were glued shut but was unsuccessful.

Pain rattled through her body. She didn't think she would be able to move again, let alone breathe. Her throat was dry, stinging, as if an acidic substance had been poured down it, corroding it.

"Come on, Kate. Please wake up."

Kate forced off the weight holding her eyelids closed opening her eyes agonizingly. If that was really Jack she could hear, if she wasn't dreaming, then she couldn't bear the thought of how much worry she must have been putting him through. And what about Jadyn? She must be confused, frightened, not understanding why her mother wasn't waking or what this place she was standing in even was.

Kate didn't recognize where she was, the abnormally white walls were new to her. She was lying on some sort of couch, which was old and raggedy, duct taped in numerous places where the leather had split and her head leaning on the armrest. She noticed that her handcuffs had been removed.

Somewhere nearby she heard a sigh of relief.

"Hey Kate. Good to see that you're awake."

She wasn't dreaming. Those voices were definitely real. And that was definitely Jack looking down upon her, concern etched onto his face, with little Jadyn standing by his side on the verge of tears.

"H-hey," Kate mumbled, struggling to speak, her words raspy, "W-what h-h-happened?" She was confused, not comprehending the situation. She had no idea what had happened to her since collapsing in the hallway.

"You passed out Kate." Jack explained, "You're in terrible shape. Haven't you been eating?"

Jack received his answer, when Kate's eyes moved to the floor, glancing away from him.

"Kate, you have to take care of yourself."

She was full of mixed emotions, especially guilt and remorse. Kate knew she had let her family down. Jack would have to raise their daughter on his own and she would miss watching little Jadyn grow up. And how would Jack explain to Jadyn about her mother, that the reason she was never around was because she was spending some time in jail? Her family didn't deserve her, she was useless.

The awkward silence was too much for Kate. Her eyes were left with no tears to cry, yet she felt the need to say something, to make up for at least a little bit of the trouble she was causing.

"Jack," she gasped, her voice unable to reach any volume higher than that of a whisper, "I-I'm s-sorry. I-I let you down."

"Kate," Jack comforted, kneeling down in front of her, brushing a stray curl away from her face. "It's okay. I've got everything under control." He grasped her hand in his, giving it a little squeeze. He could only guess how much pain she was going through, all the regrets she must have. He didn't even fully know what she had done in the past, what mistakes she had made. It had always been something they chose to keep secret. But he did know how she felt worthless, that she thought of herself as an unnecessary burden to his life.

"Is Mommy gonna be okay?" Jadyn asked, her voice small with fear.

"Mommy's going to be fine sweetie," Kate lied, not wanting to make the little girl any more scared than she already was. But Kate knew that the her daughter didn't believe her.

"I miss you Mommy." Jadyn whimpered, "I want you to come back. Home."

"Mommy isn't going to be able to come home just yet," Kate divulged, not wanting to mention how long it might possibly be until she would be free, knowing it would break her daughter's heart. Five, seven, ten years? Maybe more?

"I'm looking for an apartment in the area." Jack informed her. "I want to stay close by, so Jadyn and I can come and visit you as often as possible." The two of them were currently living in a glamorous hotel, expenses paid by Oceanic, in apology for the Flight 815 mishap. "And I'm keeping my eyes open for job opportunities."

"You don't have to do all that," Kate was touched at the extent Jack was willing to go just for her. "You don't have to stay in L.A. if you don't want to. Your like shouldn't have to revolve around me."

"But I want to Kate. I want to be here for you, every step of the way. I'm going to be there, supporting you, attending all of your court sessions."

She appreciated everything he was doing for her, she really did. She would never, ever, be able to show how much it meant to her, she would never be able to express all her gratitude. Jack would be sacrificing a lot of his life for her and if he was anyone else, she doubted that the promise would be kept. But Jack wasn't one to break promises and he would always stick to his word. He didn't deserve to be put through such hell, no one did just for her.

And what if things didn't work out? What if she never got out of jail? She certainly has a massive list of committed crimes in her criminal record. What if worst came to worst and once she was released the influence of civilization resulted in her returning to her old ways? Jack said she had changed, that she had become an entirely new person on the island – but that was on the island. Now she was in the real world. Any small complication could make all the things Jack did for her a complete waste

If anything like that happened, she knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

**Are you afraid of being alone**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

"Are you sure that's what you really want Jack?" Kate asked, looking directly into his eyes, "To lose the life you could've had because of me?"

"Kate, what life would I have without you as a part of it?" Jack replied. It tore him up inside seeing Kate, the woman he loved with all his heart in such a sad state. Seeing Kate at the point where she wasn't even helping herself, overwhelmed with her problems, depriving her body of its necessities, really killed him.

Kate, deep down, knew she wanted to agree with Jack and accept his offer. But she couldn't be so selfish, she couldn't just think of herself. She didn't wasn't to ruin Jack's life.

"Jack –"

"Kate, you're part of a family – our family," Jack elaborated, "And families have to stick together, through thick and thin. Families have to help each other out." Tears were welling up in Jack's eyes, he was frustrated. He needed Kate to agree with him.

Kate new Jack was right – families should stick together, unlike the family she had. She had never really known her parents both of whom had passed. She never bothered to talk to her brothers or keep in touch with them as one by one they had left home. Jack and Jadyn were pretty much all the family she had and if she lost them she would have no one.

**Are you afraid of being alone**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of being alone**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

"What if things don't turn out well?" Kate said, she still was not convinced, "What if something happens – suppose I never leave jail? You're going to regret ever making a promise!" Kate was choking out her words now. She had so much to say but she didn't think she could manage it all.

"What about – what about Jadyn?" she cried, her voice cracking. She glanced at her daughter who was looking down at the floor, her long brown hair obstructing a view of her face. Her hands were fumbling with the soft fabric of her baby blue sundress. Jadyn didn't understand why her parents were so upset, it made her nervous so she kept quiet.

Jack meant everything he said, every single word. He knew what he was getting himself into, as well as the stress which would come with his promises. He was willing to accept the stress, the troubles, if it meant Kate could come home. If she could have her freedom again, just like she had on the island.

If only he could explain that to Kate, explain how he truly felt about the entire situation. Kate thought that she was wrecking his life and he could understand why. But if Jack had chosen to listen to Kate, to go his separate way, that would have been the biggest mistake he ever made. Without Kate his life would be incomplete, broken, and lonely.

He wasn't the only one who's life would be missing something. Jadyn would be without a mother. During her whole life she would have no one to be able to talk to about "girl" things, and she would be without the person who would lead her in the right direction. Kate would make sure that Jadyn made the right choices, and that she didn't make the same mistakes she did.

"I appreciate all of your concern for me, but I would never leave you Kate." Jack clearly stated. "Nothing in the world in going to convince me to change my mind. You are too important to me. I love you." Jack grasped her hand with both of his, bringing it to his lips and placing a light kiss on her fingertips.

Kate smiled the largest smile she could muster and her eyes glistened in the light. She knew Jack had his mind made up and there was no way he would ever change it.

Kate was thankful that Jack was sticking with her and that he would be close by. She honestly didn't know what she would do without him there to comfort her. She was going to find it hard adjusting to not seeing him and Jadyn everyday, to not living with her family. She knew that they would come and visit her often to lighten her mood and give her someone to talk to, but it wouldn't nearly compare to what she would havehad on the island.

_On the island. _That always seemed to be on her mind. She was always comparing things to what she could have had on the island now. She wished she hadn't taken her island life for granted. She shouldn't have gotten so accustomed to being away from the rest of the world because every time she got used to somewhere new, something would always happen, something that would make her need to leave, to get away.

Five and a half year had been the longest she'd ever stayed in one place. She had always been on the move, even as a child when she wasn't on the run. Her father's job in the army caused her family to relocate often. Being on the island gave her a chance to make friends, to get to know people and to even start a family.

"Thank you," Kate whispered to Jack, her voice deteriorating. She wanted to jump up from the couch and wrap her arms around his body in a big, loving hug.

"Promise me Kate," Jack asked, "That you will take care of yourself. I don't want to see you doing this to yourself, going for days without eating. Even if you don't feel like it, just try and eat something. And make sure you get enough sleep. Don't deprive your body of what it needs."

Kate nodded, "Okay." She would make sure to keep her part of the bargain in Jack was going to go as far as he was for her. She would make sure to do her best to not contribute to his stress.

* * *

"Excuse me, sir?" Dr. Sheppard?" Your visiting time is up." Kate heard the sound of a door opening, the un-oiled hinges squeaking. She didn't recognize the gruff masculine voice, nor did she recognize the wide-framed security guard who walked through the doorway. And there was a limit to the amount of time visitors could stay? She found this a shame. This meant she wouldn't get to see Jack and Jadyn as much as she would like.

"Okay Bob," Jack called, turning his head to face the security guard. "Sorry about that Kate, looks like I'm going to have to go now." He frowned, playfully rolling his eyes, "Restrictions." He tipped Kate's chin up, bending down and brushing his lips against hers. "I'll see you soon okay?" Come on Jadyn, time to go."

The young girl peeked up, not saying a word. Her eyes were puffy and red, indicating that she had been crying silently. She gave Kate one last glance before reluctantly following her father.

"Jadyn?" Kate said, calling to her daughter.

Jadyn turned around, to face her mother. "Yes mommy?" she squeaked.

"Be good for Daddy okay?"

"Okay Mommy."

"I love you sweetie."

"I love you too Mommy."

Jadyn, grabbing Jack's hand, waved as her and her father headed to the exit of the room, walking out into the hall. "Bye Kate," Jack stopped and bid his farewell, "I love you."

**I'm lost without you**

**I'm lost without you**

* * *

**Well, I sure hoped you enjoyed my story. I'd love to hear what you have to say about my writing. Over the Christmas break, I'm going to be working on a new one shot. It's going to be Shannon-centric, and I'm going to invent more of a past for her. Check my Xanga (there's a link in my profile), for more updates on this story. **


End file.
